It is rather late and I should be asleep but there are so many thoughts drifting in and out of my head that I am disturbed by. Normally I'm one of those people who fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow but since the last few days I've moved back home, sleeping seems to be somewhat of a chore.
While watching Gossip Girl, which I really recommend having only seen the first episode, my eyes were getting heavy. As they are now, annoyingly enough. However I know for a fact as soon as the laptop goes off, I'll be happily awake again just lying there thinking..
Thought running in and out of my mind are both important and unimportant. I'm thinking what my new room looks like. I can't remember it at all, just my room mates telling me it has a red wall which I am dreading. I am really hoping my room to be isn't a particular room I can picture in my head though but I have a strange feeling it may be however I can't recall a red wall.. Oh well, we'll have to wait and see when I move in. I just wish I was not so rash at times, swapping my room with a fellow housemate so fast without thinking about it.. I think I may have got the shrt end of the straw there but nevermind. I'll deal with it when it comes to it.
Another thing troubling me is an interview due to take place next week. I get ever so nervous during an interview and have not much confidence. I freeze easily and find answering the asked question very difficult. This means I normally don't get the job. The aptitude test is also worringing me slighly having done a few practice ones and boy are they hard. And the time limit also is another factor. I want this job, I really do but transportation from my newly signed house may be a problem. Oh why is growing up so hard. Why couldn't this job interview have been a few weeks earlier? I gave up on looking for a job and signed for a house and the exact job I really wanted at a good location now may be an opportunity. I guess I'll have to wait and see again.
This is what it always is, waiting and seeing but I can't plan my life around just waiting around. I need to get active but I wish I was more motivated. I need to sort my own life out.
Being at home always makes me think about irrational things and things deep inside my mind. Like a certain girl, S. Being nosey in her life is not a good thing for me. It brings back really bad memories with my beloved C. I still don't know how I feel about that situation. It's been 6 months now and it's passed but deep in my heart, I don't know if I can forgive him. I love him, yes. That is without a doubt. But it makes me think, will I ever marry him having had him betray me like that. A fling is a fling but opening your heart and declaring your heart to someone is another matter. I've kind of given up rationalising. I'm just being happy at the moment because I am and taking it in my stride although I really need to stop getting into his profile. I want to trust him so bad but one the trust is lost, it's hard to re-gain. Ok, I know he no longer speaks to S, but R.. I dunno. I hate her though. I don't know the girl but it's just that feeling. And things with him. I don't want to think this anymore because he has kept his promise. As far as I know anyway.
I need to get some uni work done. Fast. I really want to do well in the summer. I am under achieving and that is my fault. I'm slacking but the temptation of going out always wins. I need to knuckle down.
The rain isn't as noisey now and less scary so I'll try and sleep. Also that my eyes are hurting forcing them to stay open. However it is unevitable that once I try to sleep, I'll be
